I’ve travelled hours to see bands before, but there’s only one band that I’ve travelled hours for through severe weather and a tornado warning to see. Frank Iero and the Patience just wrapped up their  North American tour and I had the pleasure of attending their show in Baltimore, MD in April. They hit the road with Dave Hause and The Mermaid and If you've never heard of them I suggest you do yourself a favor and become familiar with them quickly. They put on a hell of a show and I for one always appreciate artists that can make me laugh, sing, and get in my feeling all in one set. If you're going to start somewhere, I suggest the song "Dirty Fucker", you can thank me later.  No amount of rain, lightning, or twisters could have stood in my way of this show. (Okay, so maybe the twisters could have but fortunately the warning was a few counties over).

After spending time at home to recover from injuries sustained from a bus accident during their time in Australia, Iero finally announced the band was going back on the road and I could not have been more thrilled. My boys were alive and healthy and their fans could not have been more ready to see them back on the road. Baltimore was the closest city for me and I had no problem dragging my family all the way to Maryland to see my favorite artist.

The last time I saw Frank, he was with his first solo project The Cellabration. This time, he was back with his new project The Patience and a new album, Parachutes. The album was one of my favorite recent releases. Frank puts so much of himself into everything he does and this album was no exception, each track contains a different piece of him and his experiences and it’s a masterpiece. Being in the crowd and experiencing these songs live was incredible, especially when you get to scream your favorite lyrics back at him. Each song offers a different perspective on Iero's life and gives us a way of connecting with him through his lyrics and the ones we relate to the most. The first single from Parachutes, "I'm a Mess", is one of the many tracks I connect with. The chorus goes:

"Maybe I'm just lost they said.
Maybe I'm just tired or dead inside.
Something's wrong with me.
Maybe that's just how I am.
Maybe I'm a mess and I ain't gonna change."

And I felt every word deep in my soul.

Frank’s fans are nothing short of extremely passionate and halfway through the first few songs a pit opened and that’s when the fun began. I’m no stranger to mosh pits or crowd surfers but it was clear that some of the kids had never been in a pit before. Sometimes, you can kind of pinpoint good spots to stand if you want to avoid the pit. Pretty much any spot in the very back or on the outside of the crowd is a pretty safe bet. But, if you want to stand near the front or towards the middle, you’re going to deal with being pushed and getting closer to the people around you in ways you’ve never thought possible. Personally, I don’t care. The pit is where all the fun is and even if I don’t wanna be in the pit those that are push me towards the front of the crowd so it all works out in the end. Bottom line: whether you’re into it or not, don’t let people get hurt. Help people back up, don’t let someone hit the ground, don’t be an asshole. I’m not one for crowd surfing but I’ll pick others up and help them along their way when I can. I have a lot more fun when everyone around me is on the same level as I am. I love seeing everyone simultaneously jumping, headbanging, fists in the air, getting into the show. If the people around me as are hype as I am, it’s going to be a good night.

This show was also special because it’s the night that I finally got to me one of my long-time internet buds, Eden. After 10 years of friendship, we finally met in person. It was fitting that we met at a Frank Iero show because one of the things that brought us together all those years ago was our mutual love for My Chemical Romance. Frank and the boys are responsible for so many amazing bonds over the past few years and I am so thankful for that.

P.S. I’m already making plans to see him on the road again.

I’ve wanted to write about my experience at the FrnkIero and the Cellabration show in November for a while now but I just couldn’t find the right words. Even now as I type this, I’m wracking my brain trying to properly express just what I felt and it still doesn’t seem like I can perfectly explain it, but that’s okay.

“Happiness” is the first word that comes to mind when I think of that night- just pure, unadulterated happiness. Before that night I don’t think I had truly experienced happiness, at least not on that level. As I stood in the audience looking up at one of my heroes, singing along to my favorite song, I felt the tears that I had been holding back since he stepped foot on the stage finally fall. It was like after all these years, I was finally living. I had never felt more alive than I did in that moment.

As I’ve mentioned on here before, I’ve dealt with anxiety and depression my entire life. Some days are better than others but when it gets dark it’s hard to imagine finding the light again. Those dark moments just become a part of your daily life. No matter how big or small the issue might seem mental illness has a way of making everything seem like a life or death situation. A simple task like having to go to the administration building on campus made me feel like I was walking to the guillotine. Moments of having so much built up anxiety that you can’t feel parts of your body, breaking down in the middle of your room and clutching your chest, trying to pull yourself out of an anxiety attack because you’re in public and people will ask questions all become part of who you are. Then there are the moments the darkness consumes you and you feel numb, and that’s when it gets scary.

After feeling hopeless for so long it’s hard to imagine feeling anything else. It was like, “this is just how it is. This is my life and I just have to cope.” One of my proudest moments was when I finally found the strength to kick my addiction to self harm, but even after being clean for six years I still wasn’t living- just existing.

This brings us back to that faithful night in November when I saw Frank Iero, who’s been one of my biggest influences for years. Iero’s music has played a huge part in my life, inspiring me whenever I needed that extra spark when things got dark. After feeling hopeless for long, I never imagined something so amazing happening to me. The level of happiness I felt at that show, and even afterwards when I was able to look into his eyes and shake his hand, was unlike anything I had ever felt before. I just remember thinking, “wow, I’m so glad I kept myself alive to experience this.” That’s when it hit me.

I knew there was a reason I was keeping myself alive, I just hadn’t found it yet. It wasn’t until I was face to face with my hero that I realized it was happiness. I never imagined that I could feel so happy, and more importantly- happy to be alive. Afterwards, I was so inspired; I wanted more moments like that. For the first time in a while I was excited for the future, to see what more life has in store for me. I’m so glad I didn’t end things when I wanted to because then I would have never been able to experience what was one of the happiest days of my life. Even now, months after the show I’m still inspired to keep myself alive to create more moments like that.

There’s a collection of moments that I hold near and dear to my heart that give me hope to keep on living, this show is at the top of the list. Even when mental illness rears its ugly head, I’m reminded of happy times and the happiness that’s yet to come. Moments like seeing my heroes perform, down to small victories like pulling myself out of bed in the morning. I knew that finally seeing Frank Iero would be special but I had no idea just how it would change my life. The phrase “think happy thoughts” that I have inked onto my wrist has new meaning. It reinforced just how important it is to keep yourself alive, because even when it feels like all hope is lost there’s so much more beauty in the world and you should be alive to experience it.

This doesn’t even begin to describe just how grateful I am for Frank and how he continuously inspires me. So I’ll end with these two-

Thank You.