In light of the recent influx of news regarding celebrities committing suicide, I think it’s important to open the floor to discuss mental health. It’s startling to see the number of recent suicides in the news. Even in my personal life, I recently discovered someone close to my family killed themselves. It’s important that we keep the discussion on mental health and suicide prevention alive at all times – not just when a celebrity kills themselves or when the new season of 13 Reasons Why is released.

Why you may ask? Because we need to normalize mental illness in order to lessen the stigma surrounding it. One of the first things you hear someone say after news breaks of, yet another suicide is “they seemed fine! I guess you never really know what someone is going through.” And that’s right, you never truly know what someone is going through unless they tell you and quite often the person in question isn’t going to talk about what they’re going through because mental illness is so stigmatized in society. For example, if someone has a sore throat they have no problem explaining that to people. Same if you have a cold or any other physical aliment. Now say you’re having an off day or you’re experiencing any other number of symptoms resulting from your mental illness, how often do you tell others how you’re feeling? Too often do those suffering put on a brave face or simply give a vague response like “I’m just tired.” Because that’s easier than saying it’s because of your mental illness.

It’s too common for those living with mental illness to suffer in silence because of how society treats mental health. Instead of being met with understanding they’re met with hostility, disbelief, or they’re simply shrugged off. This stigma stems from the general lack of knowledge on mental health and the portrayal of mental health in the media. The portrayal of mental health is often over-saturated images of sad teens and broken hearts, dramatized suicide scenes used for shock value, and characters like Hannah Baker that use suicide as a revenge method. You see someone talking about mental health and the comments range from “what do they have to be depressed about?” “How could they leave behind their family?” “We all get sad sometimes”.

Yeah, that’s not how mental illness works.

Mental illness doesn’t give a shit who you are, what you do, how much money you have, NONE of that matters. Mental illness will still creep into your life, poison your mind, and then act like it didn’t just shit on your entire life. Depression is not just “feeling sad”, it’s feeling so fatigued that you’re too tired to take care of yourself. It’s neglecting your responsibilities and self-care because you just can’t find the motivation or energy and you don’t care about the consequences. Anxiety is more than getting stressed out. It’s dread and panic seeping into your chest and tightening its grip till you can’t breathe. Bipolar Disorder is more than “mood swings.” People can experience Bipolar Disorder in a number of ways. Schizophrenia is not the image that media and entertainment has painted. It’s not people that are “violent”, “unstable”, or constantly have delusions or hallucinations. The media as mentioned before, tries to portray over-saturated depictions of mental health, showing schizophrenics as “insane” and suffering from psychotic episodes instead of showing the other symptoms associated with the disorder.

The more you educate yourself on mental health, the better the discussion can be. Discussing mental health should be as common as telling someone you have the flu. We need to be able to open the floor to these topics so that those living with mental illness feel more comfortable with talking about it. If we keep stigmatizing mental illness, those suffering will continue to fear talking about the things they deal with and as a result, more people will continue to suffer alone in fear of how others will react or treat them. It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to admit you need help and to seek help. It’s okay to reach out and go to therapy, counselling, etc. It’s okay to take medication. You are valid, and you should not be shamed for living with mental illness.

We’ve got to do better. We’ve got to end the stigma and start spreading knowledge, compassion, and understanding. We can’t allow those suffering to be ignored, bashed or met with judgement. Suicide prevention starts with us. If someone opens up to you, listen and try to understand what they’re going through. Don’t wait until there’s another headline or hashtag to make an effort.

Reach out to your friends and family. Let them know you hear them, you care about them, and you need them to still be here. Some people find comfort in calling hotlines and talking to strangers because it’s easier for them but there are many others that will not pick up the phone and call a number to talk to someone they don’t know. Let your loved ones know they can trust you to listen and be there for them. For those living with mental illness: please, do not be afraid to tell someone you’re hurting, or you need help. I would rather spend hours listening to someone talk about their problems than for them to feel hopeless and lost.

I’ve wanted to write about my experience at the FrnkIero and the Cellabration show in November for a while now but I just couldn’t find the right words. Even now as I type this, I’m wracking my brain trying to properly express just what I felt and it still doesn’t seem like I can perfectly explain it, but that’s okay.

“Happiness” is the first word that comes to mind when I think of that night- just pure, unadulterated happiness. Before that night I don’t think I had truly experienced happiness, at least not on that level. As I stood in the audience looking up at one of my heroes, singing along to my favorite song, I felt the tears that I had been holding back since he stepped foot on the stage finally fall. It was like after all these years, I was finally living. I had never felt more alive than I did in that moment.

As I’ve mentioned on here before, I’ve dealt with anxiety and depression my entire life. Some days are better than others but when it gets dark it’s hard to imagine finding the light again. Those dark moments just become a part of your daily life. No matter how big or small the issue might seem mental illness has a way of making everything seem like a life or death situation. A simple task like having to go to the administration building on campus made me feel like I was walking to the guillotine. Moments of having so much built up anxiety that you can’t feel parts of your body, breaking down in the middle of your room and clutching your chest, trying to pull yourself out of an anxiety attack because you’re in public and people will ask questions all become part of who you are. Then there are the moments the darkness consumes you and you feel numb, and that’s when it gets scary.

After feeling hopeless for so long it’s hard to imagine feeling anything else. It was like, “this is just how it is. This is my life and I just have to cope.” One of my proudest moments was when I finally found the strength to kick my addiction to self harm, but even after being clean for six years I still wasn’t living- just existing.

This brings us back to that faithful night in November when I saw Frank Iero, who’s been one of my biggest influences for years. Iero’s music has played a huge part in my life, inspiring me whenever I needed that extra spark when things got dark. After feeling hopeless for long, I never imagined something so amazing happening to me. The level of happiness I felt at that show, and even afterwards when I was able to look into his eyes and shake his hand, was unlike anything I had ever felt before. I just remember thinking, “wow, I’m so glad I kept myself alive to experience this.” That’s when it hit me.

I knew there was a reason I was keeping myself alive, I just hadn’t found it yet. It wasn’t until I was face to face with my hero that I realized it was happiness. I never imagined that I could feel so happy, and more importantly- happy to be alive. Afterwards, I was so inspired; I wanted more moments like that. For the first time in a while I was excited for the future, to see what more life has in store for me. I’m so glad I didn’t end things when I wanted to because then I would have never been able to experience what was one of the happiest days of my life. Even now, months after the show I’m still inspired to keep myself alive to create more moments like that.

There’s a collection of moments that I hold near and dear to my heart that give me hope to keep on living, this show is at the top of the list. Even when mental illness rears its ugly head, I’m reminded of happy times and the happiness that’s yet to come. Moments like seeing my heroes perform, down to small victories like pulling myself out of bed in the morning. I knew that finally seeing Frank Iero would be special but I had no idea just how it would change my life. The phrase “think happy thoughts” that I have inked onto my wrist has new meaning. It reinforced just how important it is to keep yourself alive, because even when it feels like all hope is lost there’s so much more beauty in the world and you should be alive to experience it.

This doesn’t even begin to describe just how grateful I am for Frank and how he continuously inspires me. So I’ll end with these two-

Thank You. 

Thanks to social media and recent “trends”, it’s become a thing to glamorize mental illness. Let’s start off by saying, mental health is not a trend. It’s not a fashion statement that you can parade around.

Now, for those that are not familiar with mental health glamorization, it’s when people perpetrate the belief that mental health is a trend. Something “cute” that some girls on Tumblr made up. For example, when you see those dramatic, black and white photos on Tumblr of some sad girl saying they wish they had some cute guy there to kiss their cuts. Yeah.

That’s just one example of how mental health has been glamorized. Other examples include “sassy” statuses or Pinterest posts saying “stressed, depressed, but well dressed,” clothing companies like Urban Outfitters selling shirts that have “Depression” and “Eat Less” written on it, finding novelty items like shot glasses that look like pill bottles, koozies that say “I want to have a psychiatric disorder named after me,” shirts that say “I thought I was Bipolar but it turns out I’m just an asshole”. Unfortunately, the list could go on.

This all stems from the obvious stigma related to mental health. The belief that mental health isn’t important, that it’s something to be overlooked because there’s “bigger issues to worry about,” despite the fact that mental health difficulties plague many in our society- especially in adolescents and young adults.

Instead of young adults turning to social media as a way to express themselves in a healthy way, connecting with others that also suffer from the mental illness, researching methods on maintain wellbeing and ways to find recovery; they’re met with glamorized images of mental illness. They’re met with popular images of girls crying with bloody wrists and some guy coming to their rescue, black and white photos of skeletal bodies, and floral nooses. You get statuses like “Ugh, super stressed out! #Anxiety,” “I just like having a clean room. I’m so OCD!”

This all adds to the stigma that mental health isn’t to be taken serious. It leads to those in need of help being ignored because mental health is seen as a “trend” or “they’re just being moody”. This leads to individuals being afraid to speak out because they fear being met with criticism instead of receiving the help they need.

Mental health isn’t cute. It’s not a trend and it shouldn’t be treated as such. Mental health is important, just because you can’t see the illness taking effect doesn’t mean it’s not there. You wouldn’t turn to someone with a broken arm, and tell them to “get over it”.

Self harm isn’t cute. It’s feeling worthless as you cry on the bathroom floor holding a razor to your wrist and wincing as you slice into your skin. It’s trying to hide your cuts from everyone so you don’t have to answer questions. It’s a stinging feeling as you try to shower. It’s holding back tears as the guys behind you make “cutting” motions to their arm.

Depression isn’t cute. It’s locking yourself in your room because you physically don’t have the strength to get out of bed. It’s feeling tired and sore all of the time because depression not only hurts mentally, but physically too. It’s wanting to get up and do something but you continue to lie in bed because you also feel like dying. It’s wanting to speak to your friends and family but you’re too exhausted to move.

Anxiety is more than just stressing over a test. It’s getting so anxious about leaving your room that you breakdown on the floor instead of going to class. It’s having panic attacks in the middle of campus and trying to call someone to help talk you down. It’s practicing conversations in your head before you go out so that nothing goes wrong. It’s trying to find your words and then tripping over them and then dying inside when someone points it out.

Mental health is a serious issue that many deal with on a daily basis. Understanding that and educating others, will help lessen the stigma and hopefully end glamorization.

If you or anyone you know is dealing with mental health difficulties, please seek help. You’re not alone, you’re not crazy, and you deserve to be taken seriously.